A Scuppie Believes… From the Protestant Reformation to that solidarity group of Manhattan ferret fanciers who so bedeviled Rudy Giuliani, every societal movement has its core beliefs. Here are some of the propositions that Scuppies hold dear.
…that it’s possible to have a thriving investment portfolio, own a lot of nice stuff, eat delicious meals, and generally lead an enjoyable existence, without taking out an adjustable-rate mortgage from Satan on your soul.
…that not only is it possible to be an environmentalist and own a dinner table made from expensive, endangered Brazilian mahogany, but you get status points by explaining to visitors that was well worth spending the extra money because the designer uses only wood salvaged from 100-year-old houses in Sao Paulo.
…that you can volunteer at a soup kitchen and still watch “Nigella Feasts” on the Food Network without guilt when you get home—provided, of course, that you have TiVo.
…that going on a protest march is not only a time-honored American way to fight against injustice, but it’s also a good opportunity to sneak in a little aerobic power-walking.
…that it’s okay to have a “My other car is a bicycle” bumper sticker on your Lexus, because you’re making a really important point about personally taking the initiative to reduce greenhouse emissions, even if you’re fibbing a bit and your other car is actually a Volvo wagon.
…that you see Gandhi as a great role model--except, of course, for the part about giving up wearing pants and going on hunger strikes.
…that free-range chickens not only lead more fulfilling lives, but they actually taste better.
…that if your Labrador retriever could reason, he’d really appreciate that 100 percent organic Alpaca wool dog sweater emblazoned with a peace symbol that you found on the Internet for him.
…that you’d really admire Angelina Jolie for her efforts to help international refugees, even if she wasn’t a total hottie.
…that when you tell your kid that it would be immoral to buy the latest trendy $150 sneakers because they’re made in Asia by horribly exploited workers, it’s a chance to teach him or her a valuable lesson about personal responsibility. Not only that, but a pair of 100-percent organic hemp and recycled-rubber sneakers made in non-sweat-shop conditions are even trendier, and only cost half as much.